What does the other person want?
There are two of you having sex. So take into account the other person’s wishes and boundaries, as well as your own. How do you find out what their boundaries are?
1. Recognise positive and negative signals
Negative signals
- They don’t kiss you back.
- They turn away from you, avoid contact with you.
- They keep coming up with reasons not to have sex.
- You always take the initiative, the other person rarely or never does.
- When you’re having sex, they don’t seem to enjoy it (don’t make many noises, don’t breathe heavily, she doesn’t get moist or he has difficulty getting an erection).
Positive signals
- They seek eye contact with you and flirt with you.
- They often touch you spontaneously.
- They initiate sex, try to seduce you.
- The other person clearly enjoys making love (makes noises, breathes heavily, gets excited: a woman gets moist or a man has an erection).
2. Ask for clarity!
Positive and negative signals are no guarantee. Always check with the other person if they really mean yes or no. Or just ask: do you fancy going to bed with me? And when you're together in bed ask: what do you feel like doing now? What turns you on?
3. From yes to no: pay attention
A ‘yes’ can turn into a ‘no’: sometimes the other person starts off wanting to kiss and make love, but changes their mind later. Or they want to kiss, but not all the time. So pay attention, signals can change.
Sex against your will
Many young people sometimes have sex against their will. What exactly is sex against your will? What can you do to prevent it? Read about it on Sense.info
The boundaries check
Are you wondering whether what happened was all right? Or did it overstep your sexual boundaries? Check that here on Sense.info and read some handy tips!
Protect yourself
It's not your fault if someone oversteps your boundaries. But if you want to minimise the chance of that happening, the following tips could help:
Affected by an experience
Have you had an unpleasant experience? You may be affected by it considerably. Talk to someone and, if necessary, seek help. That’s the way to deal with it.
Groomers
Groomers start relationships with girls to get them to work as prostitutes. How do you recognise a groomer? How do you protect yourself against groomers?
Help and advice
Have you had an unpleasant experience? Is it troubling you? Talking helps! Are you looking for help? Here is a list of people you can get in touch with.