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Online dating for gay men

jongen in bed kijkt op zijn telefoon

Online dating is a popular way for gay and bisexual men to meet other men. It's available day and night. You look for friendship, a nice date or sex.

Short video: Online dating ♂♂

Gay men talk about online dating: about online love and lust, gay dating apps like Grindr and webcam sex.

Tips for using apps

There are all kinds of websites and apps on the market. Some apps (like Grindr and Hornet) are sex-oriented; other apps or websites (like PlanetRomeo or are more open to friendship and relationships. Men are more direct online than they are offline and use abbreviations and code words or slang to describe ways of having sex. As exciting and great online dating may be, the downside is that people can easily pretend to be something they aren’t in reality. Read on for good tips.

Profile photos and chat sessions

The perfect profile photo

  • Profile photos give the first impression, and often the only one. Think about what kind of impression you want to make.
  • Smile! A smile is a good way of getting attention.
  • Make sure the lighting is good. Focus the camera on your face and get rid of any clutter in the background. The attention needs to be on you.

An original opening

  • Read his profile text before you send a message. Make the conversation personal.
  • Giving a compliment is a good start, especially if it’s genuine. Just saying “Hi” is often not enough.
  • Keep the initial messages short and to the point. Messages that are overly long or sophisticated may seem over the top.
  • Read an initial message again before you send it. You won't make a good impression by sending a message full of spelling mistakes and typos.

Be cautious with naked photos

  • Sending hot or even naked photos or videos of yourself may be exciting, but there’s always the risk that someone will make your photos public.
  • Make sure you're not recognisable on saucy photos and never have your face in the picture.


Realistic expectations

  • Someone might seem really nice on their profile photo or in a chat session: it can be quite different in real life.
  • If your date is disappointing face to face, never feel obliged to take it any further just because you have arranged to meet. Indicate in a friendly manner that you don't want to take it any further.

Talk about your expectations

  • Discuss what you are going to do before you meet up. Are you looking for casual sex whereas he is looking for an uncomplicated evening, or the other way round? It's better to find this out beforehand than after you've already arranged to meet.
  • Check what he means exactly with specific words. Online dating has its own code language, with many abbreviations and terms. For instance, the abbreviation FF stands for fist fucking.

Keep it safe

Safe dating

  • Don’t arrange to meet at someone’s house, but see each other first in a bar or somewhere neutral. Especially if you’re not sure if you want to have sex with him.
  • If you invite someone over to your home, store valuables such as your passport in a safe place.

Keep your wits about you

  • If someone offers you a drink, make sure he doesn’t put something in it.
  • Don’t use dating apps when you’re under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You’re more likely to later regret sending those photos, or making that date.

Don't be pressured

  • Trust your instincts. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, the golden rule is: don’t do it!
  • Experimenting with new things is fun and exciting, but never let yourself be pressured into it. Don't do anything you don't want to. That’s how you make sure you don’t regret it afterwards.
  • It’s great if someone wants to meet you straight away. But don’t let your online partner rush you! If he really wants to meet you, there’s plenty of time for that.
  • Men or boys on dating apps often want to know what you’re looking for. This is usually about sex. If you’re not sure if you want sex, or what kind of sex, make that clear! Don't let yourself be talked into it.

Be independent

  • Always take your phone and charger with you. The battery in your smartphone runs out faster when you use dating apps.
  • Time flies when you’re having fun. Plan how you’re going to get home before you set off. Check in advance what time public transport stops running.
  • Make sure you’re not dependent on him to get home.

The only gay in the village?

  • If you live in an area where not many other people live, turn off your GPS location in the app settings. Then no one will be able to work out exactly where you are.