Flirting online

Have you met someone online? Exciting! How do you flirt online? And how do you keep it fun and stay safe? Read some tips here.

Flirting online for men, especially straight men

Show interest. Don't ask, “What colour panties are you wearing?” Have a proper conversation, as you would do face to face.
Be yourself. Don’t put on an act or try to be cooler than you really are.
Crack some jokes.
Don't use sexually charged language, even if it's meant to be a joke.
Give compliments but don’t get slimy.
Ask a lot of questions and tell them a lot about yourself.
Make the other person feel special. Don't send the same flirty messages to different women.

Flirting online for women

Show you’re interested, perhaps by asking questions.
Talk about yourself, but don’t overdo it.
Give compliments but don't overdo it.
Be yourself. Don't pretend to be prettier or different to what you actually are.
Make the other person feel special. Don't send the same flirty messages to different men.
If you don't want to do certain things, then just don't do them. Don't do things just to please the other person, set your boundaries.
Make it a fun conversation. If you're chatting with a man, remember that most men are not great talkers. Find a subject that you’re both interested in.
Don't fish for compliments all the time.

Voor- en nadelen

Benefits of online dating

You make contact easily. Talking online is often easier than approaching someone.
You have more choice. You get to know people outside your school and circle of friends.
You set the pace yourself. You choose who you talk to, how often, and what you talk about.
You practice flirting. You discover what suits you.
You can search specifically. You can search by age, distance, and interests.

Disadvantages of online dating

It doesn't always click offline. You only find out if you really like each other in real life.
Not everyone is honest. Sometimes someone pretends to be someone else. That is called catfishing.
Not everyone can be trusted. Sometimes people have bad intentions, such as fakers or groomers.
The contact is superficial. Conversations often remain short and superficial.
Sometimes you are suddenly rejected. Someone might suddenly stop responding or suddenly drop out.

This is how to keep it safe

Flirting and dating online can be fun and exciting, but there are risks. There are, for example, child molesters operating online: groomers. They pretend to be someone around your age, whereas you are actually chatting to an adult man.

If you want online flirting and dating to be carefree, pay attention to the following:

Don't become Facebook friends with people you don't know.
Make sure you don’t allow strangers to see your Facebook profile and photos. You can customise this in the privacy settings.
Never give your address or telephone number before you are absolutely sure someone is who he/she claims to be.
If you think someone is acting suspiciously online, and you think they might be a groomer or a faker, break off contact with them and talk to someone you trust.

Are you planning to try online dating? These are tips to keep you safe:

Don't promise anyone anything before you meet them face to face. Don't agree in advance that you're going to kiss.
Make sure that someone who knows you well, for instance your parents or your best friend, knows that you have made an online date and where you've arranged to meet up.
Take your mobile phone and your charger with you. That way you can text or call your friends or parents if the date goes wrong.
Arrange to meet in a public place where there are lots of people.
Arrange to have someone call you during the date. If it's not going the way you'd like, you can let yourself be called away. Emergency, sorry!

Online language: what does this mean?

Wyd? = what are you doing?
Tbh = to be honest
Rizz = charisma
Red flag = warning sign
FOMO = fear of missing out
Slay = doing something very well
Cringe = embarrassing
Bro = mate/friend (abbreviation for brother)
Vibe = atmosphere, feeling
FWB = friend with benefits = friend with whom you also have sex
Situationship = dating without a clear relationship
Rela = relationship

Terms about flirting and dating

Sliding into the DM = sending someone a private message on Instagram
DM = direct message = private message
Ghosting = suddenly stopping all communication
Catfish = someone who pretends to be someone else on the internet
Groomer = an adult who wants sexual contact with young people via the internet
Player = someone who tries to make others fall in love, but does not want a serious relationship
Lovebombing = excessive compliments at the beginning
Gaslighting = making someone doubt themselves
Fixing/arranging someone = performing a sexual act with someone else

Don't understand something? Just ask.

This is how you keep online dating fun

Online dating can be fun and exciting, but there are also risks. There are people who pretend to be someone they are not.

Tips for safe online dating

Never share your private details. So no address, phone number, passwords, or access to your social media.
Protect your profile from strangers. That way, only people you know will see your photos and info.
Block anyone who goes too far. You never have to do anything you don't want to do.
Are you being pressured or threatened? Stop contact, block that person, and talk about it with someone you trust.
Do you have doubts? Check if someone is real, for example via video calling. Trust your gut feeling.

Meeting in person?

Meet in a public place.
Let someone know where you are. You can share your live location.
Bring your phone and charger.
Do not arrange sexual activities before you meet in person.
Have someone call you in the meantime. Then you can leave if it doesn't feel right.

Realistic expectations

Be honest about what you are looking for: a date, friendship, or a relationship.
Someone can be different offline than online.
You are never obligated to go further than you want.

Nude photos and sexting

Sending racy messages, nude photos, or videos to each other can be fun and exciting. That is called sexting [link to that page]. It is okay to sext if you both want to. But there are also risks. Someone can save or share your photo without your knowledge.

Are you in doubt? Don't do it.

Is something going wrong? Seek help!

Are you receiving unwanted messages, do you feel pressured, or is someone going too far? You are not alone.

Talk to someone you trust
Block and report that person
Need help? Check out sense.info/nl/over-je-grens/hulp-en-advies or wtfff.nl/nl/hulp.

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