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Making choices

nadenkend meisje

Making choices when it comes to love, sex and relationships is sometimes tricky. That might be because you and your partner, family, religion or culture have different ways of looking at things. So how do you make choices that feel right for you?

All kinds of opinions

What do you think about staying the night at your partner’s place, or about playing with yourself? About homosexuality? Everyone has his or her own opinion. This may make you unsure: what is the truth?

Ask yourself questions

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • You
    What do you think is important? What's your opinion? What do your instincts tell you?
  • Your family
    How does your family feel about it? What do you think about that? Do you want to consider their opinion when making your choice? You can still really love your family even though you think differently.
  • Friends
    What do your friends think about it? Do you agree with them or not? However good your friendship is, you can still make different choices to them.
  • Your faith
    How does your faith regard it? There is often more than one interpretation of the faith. What is your interpretation? You could think differently from the priest or the imam and still be a good Christian or Muslim.
  • Other young people
    How do other young people regard your culture or faith? That is often quite varied!

Do you have a better idea now of what you want? Or are you still not sure? Don't bottle it up, talk about it with someone you trust. You can also call, or email Sense.

Guilt and shame

Your faith often gives you great support. But religious rules can sometimes also make you feel guilty, when you do something that's not allowed, or because you have sexual feelings that are forbidden. Does this sound familiar? Talk about it with someone you trust. You can also call or email Sense.


In some families, making your own choices in love, sex and relationships can be a problem. Perhaps your parents won't accept that you have a relationship, have had sex or have feelings towards people of the same sex. Maybe you are afraid your family will hurt you or other people.
Do you fear for your own safety? Seek help:

  • Emergency? Call 112.
  • Talk to someone you trust. You could perhaps do this with a friend, family member, your mentor at school or college or a social worker.
  • Call Veilig Thuis on 0800-2000. This is an organisation in the Netherlands for anyone who has to deal with abuse or being threatened with abuse. It is a free 24/7 service.
  • You can also email or call Sense.