Problems in your relationship
Sometimes you have problems in your relationship. Perhaps because one of you has cheated on the other, because you are jealous, or because your partner is very possessive. It could also be that your boyfriend or girlfriend coerces or pressures you, or oversteps your boundaries. Don't bottle it up. Talk about it.
Cheating
Lots of couples agree to only kiss and make love to each other. So if one of you does this with someone else behind their partner’s back, they’re cheating. Being cheated on can be devastating for the partner who finds out about it. They usually get very emotional: angry, sad or not willing to talk about it at all.
What can you do?
- If one of you has cheated, then give each other the time to deal with this. Don't expect the relationship to be all right again straight away.
- Has your partner cheated on you? Listen to your feelings. Decide whether you want to break up or try again.
- Are you the one who has cheated? Be honest and respectful towards your partner now.
Jealousy
Everyone is jealous at some point. Especially when they really like someone. The biggest cause of jealousy is insecurity. You are insecure about yourself or about your relationship. You're afraid that your boyfriend or girlfriend likes someone else more than you.
What can you do?
- Are you jealous? Try talking about it with your partner. You might find out that they are jealous or insecure as well. It helps to know this about each other.
- Is your partner jealous? Remember this often has to do with insecurity. Find out what’s making your partner feel insecure. Reassure them, but don't let this stop you leading your own life.
Possessive
Sometimes jealousy takes on a more serious form, and you feel limited in your freedom of movement. Your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to control you. Perhaps he or she texts you all day long, asking where you are. That is not a healthy situation. Everyone needs their own space to develop themselves, and you don't have to do everything together. Otherwise, your life consists purely of your relationship and that is not good for you.
What can you do?
- Talk to your partner about this. Let them know possessive behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable. Give him or her chance to change.
- Carry on doing your own things, even if your partner is against it.
- If your partner doesn't change, then it's better to put an end to the relationship, because it is not good for you.
- Talk about it with someone you trust. Perhaps with a good friend, a family member or someone at school or college. You can also email or call Sense.
Coercion
Sometimes things happen in a relationship that make you feel unsafe, or that overstep your boundaries.
- Perhaps your partner kicks or hits you, or threatens to do so.
- Your partner tells you off, keeps on pointing out all your faults, or makes you feel worthless.
- Your partner oversteps your sexual boundaries. For example, by talking you into having sex when you don’t feel like it. Or by forcing you to have sex.
A relationship in which these things happen is not good for you. Stick up for yourself and find help.
What can you do?
- Finish the relationship. Your safety and happiness are the most important things.
- Talk about it with your parents or with a friend. They can help you, and protect you. You can also email or call Sense.
- Violence is usually against the law. Consider whether you want to press charges against your ex or file a police report. This is how to make sure there are no more victims of their behaviour.
Worrying about your relationship
Are you worried about your relationship? Talk about it, preferably with your partner. Worries you keep inside usually only get worse. They might give you stomach aches or headaches. If you’re scared to talk to your partner about it, talk to someone in your circle, someone you trust. A good friend, your father or mother, or a teacher at school or college. Or call someone at Sense.