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Breaking up

meisje verscheurt een hart

Not many relationships last a lifetime. That’s especially true when you're young; you often break up after a few weeks or months.


If your boyfriend or girlfriend finishes with you, you can feel very sad. But you can also feel very sad when you're the one who finishes it. You might also miss your partner a lot. And having to hurt your partner is horrible. Unfortunately, you just have to get through the pain. It takes time, but really: after a while, you feel better again.

First aid for heartbreak

  • Have a good cry.
  • Take good care of yourself.
  • Go to the gym or listen to music.
  • Talk about it with a good friend.
  • Write poems or song lyrics.

Should you finish it or not?

Sometimes you're not sure whether you want to finish it or not. Trust your instincts. Try answering these questions:

  • Can you really be yourself in this relationship? Or are you constantly trying to live up to your partner’s expectations?
  • Are you in love with your partner? Do you love him or her? Or have those feelings gone away?
  • Do you feel upbeat when you see him or her? Or do you feel unhappy when you’re near them?
  • Would you prefer to have a relationship with someone else?
  • Is there something you can do about your problems? Or are they impossible to solve?

This is how to break up

You've made the decision. You're going to finish it. Do it respectfully.

  • Choose a suitable moment to announce it.
  • Tell them face to face, and not on the phone or by text.
  • Don't call them names and don't get angry. Let your partner keep his or her dignity.
  • Explain why you want to break up. Don't blame everything on them. When a relationship goes sour, usually both of you have contributed to that.
  • Be friendly but clear. Don't reverse your decision out of sympathy. Have faith that your partner will recover.
  • Maybe you can stay friends. That usually works better if you don't see each other for a while. The transition from a relationship to friendship is easier when both of you are over the worst of your heartbreak.